444 linea

2012-02-12T21:09:00.001-05:00

authentic, authoritative presence, lo recuerdo!
or an extremely authentic performance of authenticity?
it's a line we always trying to find when loving an artist

There be no sunlight if I lose you baby

2012-02-11T23:46:00.002-05:00

My Teaching Journal for Seminar

2012-02-11T12:02:00.000-05:00

WEEK 1 2/6 - 2/10
I'm teaching! Despite an urge to be perfectionistic, I feel proud and happy of my first week of teaching. I taught 1-2 lessons a day every day, planning them and implementing them. Nick gave me feedback on g-docs over the weekend for my Monday lesson, and early in the morning the other days. After each lesson is a prep, so he gave me feedback during that time. Of course it was more critique than positive, but everything he said was true and helpful to me, and I can pat myself on the back :)

I think the kids had fun and learned what I set out to teach. My goal/objective was for them to understand how reading and writing are inversely related, construction versus deconstruction, and that they are "two sides of the same coin." I taught them how to construct a paragraph between two people, based on a common "theme" and having different but related questions in mind, that they come up with. So, it was about co-writing as well as the skill of constructing a paragraph. I taught how to do it using a slide show on the smart board, and using the projector type thing. I had some technical difficulties, due to it being my first time and the equipment not quite working right. Nick didn't really jump in to help, he was letting me swim, haha.

The feedback he gave me was a lot about being aware of what's going on in the whole room while I'm teaching, and how to get their attention when they're all talking, and that I need to develop a "teacher voice" lol. It's true. and it will happen, because I actually love telling people what to do, and I like quiet. But I also think that the most important thing for the kids to do, and the most effective way they learn right now, is through social interaction. They are SUPPOSED to be talking and playing! (sorry for yelling with caps). Seriously though, I remember reading that in Adol Psych. Their interactions with their peers are of huge importance in their learning about the world. So, that doesn't mean you can't have quiet when you want it, as a teacher, and they do have to learn how to shush (and I have to learn how to shush them), but don't berate them for it and don't plead like my CT, "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TALK? ALL WE'RE DOING IS .... I JUST DON'T GET IT... ya ya ya" .... I wish the teachers at school didn't lecture them all the time on being quiet and how they're disrespectful, etc. I don't think they are disrespectful, I don't take things like that personally.

But the point, at this point :) for me, is to develop my teacher voice. Other things he said to implement are walking around the room while I'm talking, and giving very basic, very clear directions, plus repeating the directions and asking them to repeat them. Making sure they know exactly what I want them to do.

So there was some chaos and confusion during my lessons, but by the end of the week, most of them had writing a decent paragraph, in pairs... then exchanged the paragraphs and broke them down into categories, questions, and theme... and answered questions related to how the writer could improve his or her paragraph. I collected their work and will put it in a folder to be filed under: future lesson plans. My next thing is to prepare the next week of lessons (I'm only doing Mon and Tues this weekend), based on a new skill. The skill is a boring one, so I will try my best to spice it up.

dummy

2012-02-10T17:55:00.002-05:00

maybe if you didn't go for her so young
you wouldn't have to feel this way

....song + music video to come in less than 48

dear uncle h

2012-02-09T17:18:00.000-05:00

Dear Uncle by faith & mark from Mark Posillico on Vimeo.

nervous

2012-02-09T17:08:00.001-05:00

nervous mama
nervous baby

faith & mark @ Hi-5 in Queenz

2012-02-06T06:32:00.002-05:00

Natural Instincts

2012-02-04T19:37:00.002-05:00

2 Major Character flaws:

-can be mean
-impatient (not with kids)

2 Major Positive Character traits:

-compassion for pain
-brave

What's your personal level of health, on a scale 1-10?

2012-02-04T17:27:00.000-05:00

Adolescent Heath & Safety (workshop notes)

2012-02-04T17:06:00.003-05:00

Course number 720 at Hunter College Adol ed graduate course

I think the "H" in that last one stands for "HATE" unfortunately, since it says STFU right below... I often feel waves of hostility toward other teachers, unfortunately :( Sometimes I'm a total bitch in class, and it's hard to control. I feel nice outside class, and with less dominating type of personalities. Overall, I actually really enjoyed this workshop. I hope you enjoy my notes and learn and least two things.

recipe for disaster

2012-01-27T14:18:00.002-05:00

sensitive, paranoid, and proud

Brilliant

2012-01-27T08:53:00.004-05:00

This morning I woke up with two things in my head:

Bruce Springstein singing "is it you, baby? or just a brilliant disguise?"

and the name Ed Gein

Both names end with "ein" ... meaningless coincidence or essence of gold?

Or just my mind playing around at night with stuff I read or heard

the day before or at any point in my life, or messages from other souls

Something not entirely related, that most of us are learning:

You can get your feelings hurt online

You can be really cold... You can!

Cold turns and cuts away from what's mine

la madrugada

2012-01-26T09:01:00.001-05:00

i'm an angel i have so much light i can stand the dark i crave the dark i need to feel us back to back

Portrait of an Artist

2012-01-24T18:38:00.004-05:00

shoelace bracelets, stripy skirt, legwarmers, faux leather jax, tights, makeup copyright Stephanie Faith Wiens

2012-01-21T18:58:00.002-05:00

indebted to Madonna and others

this is what i'm wearing tonight to my show in newark. i feel so tired today, i feel not inspired totally. i think i'm tired from emotions of yesterday and show the night b4. i layed around today and i was smoking :( well, now it's time for coffee, gargle salt water, singing rhiana, robyn, and lady gaga songs, and to do my makeup. i got new makeup to use! i'm proud that i do all of my own. mark always say to get a real makeup artist or stylist for this and that, but i think it's lame if you don't do yourself... that's half the fun. i also like shopping for it

ok, here's makeup

i hope tonight is fun... i'll have fun no matter what i spose

reason season lifetime

2012-01-21T18:35:00.001-05:00

There is an insidious, unfortunate attraction between persons who like to help people, and persons who like to be helped. At a certain point in this relationship, the glowy idealized image of potential that the helper has of his or her "friend" is shattered, leaving shards of anger in its wake... you realize the person won't change. Not only can the friend NOT step up to the plate, but they flat out refuse to. You're trying to brush their matted fur, and they bite you. Well fuck that! No more friends.

Nombres que te has ganado

2012-01-21T14:06:00.002-05:00

Idiota!
Moron!
Estupido!
Chico sin cabeza!
Tonto!
Simpleton!

bye i love you

2012-01-20T20:59:00.001-05:00

Tonight my coworkers had a little goodbye party for me at Twins bar. I started crying right away. I worked there 6-7 years, longer than college, high school, or anything! I saw these people every friggen day in that dreary office. We shared our lives. I been through a lot in the past 6-7 years, and changed a lot. But my little space and duties there stayed basically the same, and gradually I got more stable as a person. At Twins, my coworkers bought me SoCo and beers and said they believe in me and I'm doing a good, noble thing by going into teaching. I got real drunks like skunks then I rode the train home and cried all the way, not caring what people think. I came home and cried on the couch for a long time. Now my eyes hurt. I just don't know what's coming next. I don't even know what school they'll put me in for student teaching. I just really hate goodbyes. Saying goodbye makes me think of all the goodbyes, and I love these people. I love people and I hate saying goodbye. Time just rushes and rushes and rushes, and we don't know where we're going, specifically. It's really scary, and so so horrible are the things we miss. I even feel bad for the void I'll leave in the office. I do feel that I brought Faith in there, and light, and the love was mutual.

No one feels sorry for you, Blue

2012-01-19T18:12:00.000-05:00

new words

2012-01-17T22:30:00.000-05:00

envejecido
el codo
relampagueante
apoyare en un codo
prescindible
prescindir
divago
provengo
comadreja
anguila
caza
equivocos
acudir
peregrinar
retono
terno
corbata
mancuerna
lomo
carraspear
de reogjo
acriciar
desfiladeros
cenir guante
pajarillo
senda
colmar
fundo
carecer
primar
encima
halcon
sontana
seglar
compungida
trago
manchas
vacas
vacia
ferrea
paisaje
atisbo
atavicos
componer
parado
desamparo
alzada
fiburi
cabriolet
bayo
fondo
pinto
recortarse
demoledora
trasera
aterido
gelido
cordilleranos
castaneteaban
debatir
pescante
desconfiado
justo entonces
pabellon
mamotretos
desdichado
alambre

The Problem

2012-01-13T17:14:00.002-05:00

I need to finish this song before tomorrow night. I want to be proud of it! I love 75% so far... what am I tryin to say here and what's the melody and rhythm? There's a hook out there, calling my name...

My Love Goes Down DJ Cutman remix of Doctor P. HOMESTYLE DANCEOFF

2012-01-10T18:45:00.001-05:00

WWIII

2012-01-10T07:48:00.002-05:00

No one is allowed to talk to me about WWIII because it is too scary. At night sometimes I have dreams that I'm watching nuclear/bombs fall on either Manhattan or Brooklyn, overlooking the Hudson. Last night in my dream I was on the BQE in the car with Ca, and we saw electric bolts fizzing over manhattan and they were this new kind of nuclear weapon. I felt electric shocks in me on the ground. Black smoke started billowing up from the city and we were freaking out, "This is it." Of course, I wonder if these are psychic dreams, hopefully not. If they are, I'm not sure if I'll survive or not, because sometimes in the dream I'm running but I know the fire will soon envelop me. If Manhattan IS bombed, or Brooklyn, and I die, PLEASE MAKE SURE SOME POEMS ARE PUBLISHED. Please please please. All I will need is one good editor who loves me and cares. Please send all notebooks, journals, etc. to the Smith College archives. Thank you.

Savoy, Flushing Queens

2012-01-09T19:54:00.000-05:00

how to stay calm during the rush hour commute in NYC (for sensitive people)

2012-01-09T08:22:00.000-05:00

mouth guard
close your eyes
balance and breathe
ear plugs or ipod with big headphones
here's one sample list of songs that might make you feel on the calmer side:

Biting it

2012-01-08T13:42:00.007-05:00

Well, I'm 33 years old and I finally got a mouth guard. It's too bad a dentist didn't impress me with the importance of wearing one before I chipped off my front teeth and ground away all the enamel in the back, but oh well. Better late than never.

Wearing my mouth guard feels good, like more secure. It makes me feel like I have big teeth in the front like other people. It's also comforting, like sucking on a pacifier in a way. It gives me something to do with my teeth so I don't tap them. I'm so sick of tapping my teeth to the rhythms in my head! I stop myself whenever I notice that I'm doing it, but I do it constantly.

I like seeing the imprints of my little teeth in the mouth guard. It fits perfectly, it's mine! I wanted to wear it at a party last night but Ca got mad and said no because she thought people would make fun of me. So now I'll only wear it at home, or when I'm out by myself as a secret.

I just went to a very nice brunch with my girlfriend's friends who are becoming my friends too. Now I'm home, wearing my mouth guard, and maybe I'll take a nap on our new couch.

Overview

2012-01-06T17:40:00.011-05:00

Almost a full moon
Due to world warming
....
Dream takes place in a resort town, the dark one
Certain streets, old streets, Western shadows
Someone murdered my older sister! I know who
I sat in the front row at church with my legs wide open
and screamed at him. There is religion in this town
....
Homosexual/sexual nightlife, Bars and Prostitution
or Massage; dark passages like a speakeasy or saloon
off the dusty street, a place that I go to, like New Orleans
My sister died~! Someone killed her :(
You must understand, since on this trip
we heard that your dad also died (I told her this)
....
Night's fallen and I'm inside a tent
Kids are running around outside
Armies and teams, lust

PLASTIC

2012-01-04T23:02:00.000-05:00

PLASTIC
BAD FEELINGS
I CAN'T BE COMPLETELY HONEST HERE

OR ANYWHERE

2012

2012-01-04T22:38:00.001-05:00

For the past however-many-months (a year? more than 1 year?) I've been having dreams about packing and moving. Maybe I had this dream my whole life. But lately it's getting really intense, over and over, different variations of the same dream. I'm moving soon, and I gotta pack! Is this dream just about me becoming a teacher in 2012, or is it about the whole universe shifting or whatever? Are we all moving? Maybe we always were moving, but now it's an urgent, fast move. I like to think my psyche could be connected to the universe in that way. According to Jung, it is, right? Anyways, no matter what I dream, I grind the fuck out of my teeth, and they're very sore.

This summer I'm gonna do a lot of shows, goddamit. In february through May I'm gonna be an English Teacher, and when I can, Me and Mark and gonna write a bunch of new songs, and then I'm gonna do A LOT OF SHOWS all summer. Maybe me, Lisa, and Mark are going to write some songs together. That project has been in development since I met Lisa six or seven or eight years ago. I like to think I can sense what's coming, even when some signs indicate no.

There's a bunch of new dreams I can't remember. A dark, work place. A waterfall at night. Hard hats. A man boss. Quitting or being fired or sneaking something, at night. Something dangerous.

In 2-5 years I'm gonna be famous. It was nice knowin ya.

We Found shit in a Hopeless Place

2012-01-03T17:14:00.002-05:00

Little list of songs for those interested in the Dance OFF / singing competition occurring on 12/3/12 at 5:30pm EST at 76 India.

Call Your Girlfriend 3:47 Robyn Body Talk Dance 12/30/11 8:30 AM
We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris) 3:36 Rihanna We Found Love (feat. Calvin Harris) - Single Pop 1/3/12 8:21 AM
Dancing On My Own 4:46 Robyn Body Talk, Pt. 1 Electronic 1/3/12 8:22 AM
Solo PUNCH 2:40 Dj CUTMAN, MC Chris Remix Wars Nerdcore 12/20/11 2:37 PM
Final Boss Frog 2:00 Dj CUTMAN, MC Chris Remix Wars Nerdcore 12/20/11 2:28 PM
Final Fantasy 3 43:10 The Magick Report 9/2/11 7:45 AM
La Roux - In For The Kill (Skrillex Remix) 5:11 Skrillex (aka Sonny Moore) Remixes (Youtube Rips) 12/20/11 10:25 PM
SKRILLEX - Slats slats slats 4:54 Skrillex Skrillex Blues 12/20/11 10:25 PM
Cinema Skrillex mix 5:08 Skrillex 12/20/11 10:24 PM
Micromix One 10:00 Masuka Micromix Series Bass 10/27/11 8:24 PM

El Ano Nuevo 2012

2012-01-03T08:13:00.000-05:00

MORE OF THE SAME

Writing a new song it's called

2012-01-02T10:05:00.000-05:00

Being happy isn't as important as doing the right thing

dubstep music

2012-01-01T10:24:00.003-05:00

Dubstep music may sound really dated in 10 years, it will be so like, 2011 or 2012. It might be a fad type thing. It might be where Skrillix becomes hated like Vanilla Ice and attempts suicide and ends up in celebrity rehab. But dubstep also might be like the electric guitar, where it changed everything or marked the change that was happening. From here on out, music will move toward complete computerization, (real word?) video game type music for pop music. So I was just thinking... what kind of language is used to encode these dubstep songs in my brain?... like, I'm singing along to the song in my head, but there's no words to sing to. Is that like scatting in jazz? Some computer sounds are easy to turn into "words," like wao wao sounds. It's weird

Palabras de la madre y un abrazo

2011-12-28T18:48:00.005-05:00

This year at Christmas my mom gave me a real hug. It was definitely the longest hug she ever gave me. Usually it's just a quick embrace where only our arms and cheeks touch. She said, "I want you to know, I get it." She said this before. She keeps saying it. I said, "Well, I don't." I haven't been able to go back and remember and thus put all to rest. I don't remember those years. She said it's ok. Then she started hugging me. I felt strange at first because other people were in the room or walking by. It didn't end, either, so I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to pull away. It felt like her body was mine, like I was hugging myself, because her torso feels bony yet strong like mine. I also felt like a child, in this inarticulate way. My mom is really good with babies and children, and I don't think she really hugged me or held me since then. Definitely not like this. I started getting teary against my own will. I felt stripped. I felt like Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting when Robin Williams is like, "It's not your fault... It's not your fault.... " Finally I gave two taps and she let me go. I felt like I needed to run and hide. I pictured myself alone, crying. I didn't really have to cry in a sad way though. I went to go take a shower. At first, I just felt like... I don't know... like my brain didn't know what to think about. But during the shower my mind went back to normal and started thinking all it's regular thoughts and obsessing over the same old things. I wonder if the hug changed me? She said, "Now, when I write you emails and it says *hugs* this is what is here for you." I felt a little shaken and violated (my shell), but I'm glad she made the moves. I'm so scared of my parents dying. At least I'm building a relationship with them again... the present/future is turning out better than I imagined, so far.

El Circulo Cerrado

2011-12-21T17:17:00.003-05:00

You may feel like you know
But there's another you in you
that knows more, and the other you
has been to all these places before
and the other you will help you grow

While the you that feels like you from
day to day gets old, and dies,
like a toxic sun rising and falling
Every day, I hear you calling and Oh!
The me that's in me cries to let you go

I walk the Line

2011-12-20T19:08:00.006-05:00

There's another world at night; the thousands of mirrors reflect this life
There's another World Wide Web; there's other profiles to check and parties to attend
There are neighborhoods only I go to with people that only exist in those cities
Someday, will I live there all the time? In the dream, I'm connected to unknown things
I can fly over streets and over the cities; perhaps I prefer to find out more, asleep

Chemistry

2011-12-19T16:59:00.003-05:00

Being so alike
Doesn't mean we should be friends
A Big Bang spark
Hence, the Catastrophic End

Morning sickness

2011-12-19T08:38:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I saw something terrible. It was around 8am. I made some coffee and opened the window to see what the weather was like. Across the courtyard, I saw a gal engaged in a similar scene, or so it seemed. She sipped her coffee, and then to my horror, took a giant bong hit. I mouthed the words, "That's illegal and dangerous." She held the bong hit in for a long time, and I felt nervous for her. When she released it, she looked woozy. Suddenly she leaned over the edge of the window in her fourth or fifth floor apartment and started vomiting into the courtyard below. Disgusting! I shut my window shades and vowed to never view such a scene ever again.

A Person of Routine

2011-12-18T21:32:00.002-05:00

No, I don't believe in God
No, I don't have Faith or Hope
No, I don't trust anyone

breaks from homework taken to record and share this life

2011-12-17T12:40:00.001-05:00

Life Force

2011-12-16T18:50:00.000-05:00

Like many female bodied persons, I experience a surge of energy and sense of power during the 24 hours before menstruation. It's like a mania, during which the apartment often gets cleaned or big decisions are made by me. Tonight, I plan to execute a longstanding goal of stripping the old paint off the bathtub. I got the supplies, and in fact, I already painted a coat of paint remover on one section of the tub. In 8 minutes, I take steel wool to it, and then paper towels. Wow! The cats are being bad right now! Anyways, I can't wait to shave my legs and take a paint-free bath. My domestic partner is cooking lentil soup with chicken sausage. Sounds good, no? Cozy Friday night in, preparing to flow.

bilingual education

2011-12-15T16:28:00.003-05:00

oh god, i still have tons of things to write before my semester's over
i'm excited though, because today i submitted my resume and cover letter for my future job
at a school i love! more spanish speaking students go to this school than all the other public schools in the city... almost 70% of students are "hispanic." i can't wait to get better at speaking spanish. pretty soon i'm gonna be able to conversate in a highly intelligent way... with my principal! and my KIDS ... haha

let me try a quick translation

ay dios, ya tengo que escribir muchas cosas antes del fin del semestre
estoy demasiado animado por que hoy les di mis papeles al principal por aplicar en
mi trabajo futuroso... en una escuela que le amo! mas estudiantes asistir esta escuela que hablar espanol que otra ninguna escuela en la ciudad. casi 70% del estudiantes son "hispanicos." no puedo esperar que improvechar en hablar espanol. en seguida voy a conversar en manera muy inteligente ... con principal mio! y los hijos... haha

tmj

2011-12-15T07:24:00.004-05:00

snap crackle pop
goes the jaw that grinds
gnashing at night
makes a painful bite
no more enamel
now i know
snap crackle pop
go the dreams of woe

Sure, you can borrow my notes

2011-12-08T19:49:00.000-05:00

God's Plan for America

2011-12-08T16:14:00.002-05:00

Wow, I had such a nice morning at PS57. I am really nervous about being in charge, but there's no denying how much I enjoy and respect the kiddies. I had a couple 8th graders school me on WWII, and they really impressed me! The kids are freakin smarter than me, in some ways! My brain is ruined for memorization or recitation, and those never were strengths. But the students really know a lot of information! I feel like being a teacher will be good for me cuz I'll be forced to keep learning information that otherwise would get dusty in mah' old brain, sitting in a brain-storage box never to be opened.

Even if you don't open the memory boxes, you better believe they're in still in storage. For some reason, last night I dreamed a full, vivid dream about a reunion with my first boyfriend James. I dreamed we were adults and we met and were talking, and the attraction felt undeniable and irresistable(he was a bit slimmer and younger in my dream) so we started passionately french kissing but in the dream I started detaching from the kiss and I knew it. I also realized in my dream, "So I'm not gay then...." (I always dream that, and it's like why, did making out with a dude ever turn me on? No. Okay, fine, once- a kiss in Jackson Mississipi with a different ex boyfriend, 1999). I also remember leaning against James (in the dream) and resting my head right in the spot between chest and shoulder, sweetly.

Why did I have this dream? Is it because of fb? Kind of cool. I like dreams where memory boxes are opened, because most of mine feel inaccessible. Like, to picture someone where it feels so real, who used to be close. It's like, all the information that encodes that memory is in your brain, and can be unwrapped (if you're lucky). I also constantly dream that me and Rocco are falling in love and attracted... not true in real life. But I do love him. I'm in love with a lot of people. Not a lot, but definitely everyone I've ever loved or been with. I don't really get over people, I just put them in storage boxes.

I'm killing an hour or so at the Woodstock Towers on East 42nd. This apartment is owned by Ca and her parents... it's really nice and cute. I like being here. I make lunch and relax, then I head to my assessment class. I have a weird feeling that someday I'll live here, and I'll work in a Harlem school till I die. I'm also thinking about going to work in Puerto Rico, even though I've never been there. That's probably the only other place I'll try living. Who knows, but I feel ruined for living outside NY and Brooklyn. I just wouldn't be satisfied anywhere else, now that it's got its dirty talons in me.

Sigh...

2011-12-07T18:54:00.001-05:00

Maybe it's the rain, I feel so out of sorts today. Monday night I worked from 6:30pm (after work) to 5:30 am on my project, then I slept and got up at 11am, worked 3.5 more hours on it, went to class (locked myself out of the apartment) came home (the super helped me get back in) and slept. Staying up all night is not usual for me! I never had to work this hard on school. I hate knowing that my project will get ripped to shreds anyway, with criticism. Isn't there somewhere I can go to feel good about myself? I feel so unsure with all these changes underway. Not unsure, but overwhelmed, I guess. Ca is on a vacation in Amsterdam. I normally wouldn't share that because I'm afraid a stalker will come here to kill me (or anyone looking for a kill), if they know I'm home alone. I'll trust that tonight isn't my night to die. I don't know what to do with myself. Hungry, don't wanna eat. Don't wanna study NOOOO. I don't like being overwhelmed. I also don't like living on my credit card. I had fun shopping and playing guitar all weekend but then I found out my project was due. Yeah, "found out," because I'm absent minded with details and dates, and always have been. I just keep reminding myself of all the crappy teachers out there. If they did it so can I!!!! Who cares if there's a recession and teachers getting laid off and not respected? Isn't there a little niche out there for me, where the staff will appreciate my strengths? One of my big fears is having someone (like my professor), who misunderstands me and judges me wrong, or who thinks I'm not working hard enough, or my work isn't good enough. I don't know how to process that reaction in people. I just can't accept it, but I can't change either. I will work as hard as I can for this class I'm finishing up (not tonight), but in the end I'm pretty sure I won't get any positive feedback, much less a pep talk. Maybe it will help me to go home for Christmas. My coworkers at my job think I shouldn't leave because of the economy and because I have security there. But it's a dead end, and it's not fulfilling. I was kind of hoping to become a rock star so I could just go from my office job to touring and living off music, but it's taking a bit longer than I thought, and I see that I'll probably never make any money there. Maybe, if i work really hard at it, one song will get used in a movie or something. Even if I had success in music, I would still want to be a teacher. I can do both. I could go on tour in the summer? Other people make time for kids, I'll make time for that one song.

friends say don't have regrets

2011-12-04T13:41:00.001-05:00

dreams undeferred

2011-12-04T01:55:00.001-05:00

the dream of ex girlfriends worldwide

2011-12-04T00:39:00.000-05:00

ok u may be in a rlxp but we also
have a rlxp and that won't change

the dream of addicts worldwide

2011-12-04T00:37:00.000-05:00

oh if i could only have a little bit of
dope crack weed benzos and booze every day

Good Dentist

2011-12-03T16:36:00.004-05:00

Cornelius Yen, in Flushing, Queens. It turns out that I don't need a root canal (whew!) but according to Dr. Yen, I'm one of the worst grinding cases around town, which explains extreme tooth sensitivity. I'm going back next week to get fitted for a mouth guard. Flushing Queens is cool! After my appointment, upon recommendation I stopped at a little place around the corner from dentist and had Taiwanese salt and pepper chicken with green tea egg and tofu, rice, pickles, and sweet sausage. YUM. Then I went to Chinese supermarket and bought a big huge bag of candy and treats for my family. Chinese candy is the best. Maybe someday after wearing my mouth guard for a while I'll be able to chew gum again. I was up to chewing about a pack a day before my tooth started hurting :/ After I fix my teeth I wanna get Tatiana's hooked up (pulled) and cleaned... This whole Operation Save Teeth is going to cost a few K's, at least. I told Dr. Yen I want cosmetic work done in a few years (little fantasy there), and he said that any dentist to do that would insist that I start with a mouth guard. I'm so glad I found a nice dentist! No spraying water in the face! No being mean to his assistant... No getting mad at me for choking on water or cringing from pain.... OK, nap time.

Warming up my pipes for tonight's show at Club Sapony, in Queens, 11pm

2011-12-02T17:33:00.006-05:00

Rolling in the Deep 3:48 ADELE 21 Pop 11/30/11 8:43 AM
Someone Like You 4:44 ADELE 21 Pop 11/30/11 8:42 AM
Single Ladies (Put a Ring On It) 3:13 Beyoncé I Am... Sasha Fierce Pop 1/27/11 11:25 AM
Our Lips Are Sealed 2:46 Go Gos Beauty and the Beat 80's 1/27/11 12:14 PM
Telephone (feat. Beyoncé) 3:41 Lady GaGa The Fame Monster Pop 1/27/11 12:24 PM
Bad Romance 4:54 Lady GaGa The Fame Monster (Deluxe Version) Pop 1/27/11 12:24 PM
Unfaithful 3:47 Rihanna A Girl Like Me Pop 1/27/11 12:30 PM
Take a Bow 3:49 Rihanna Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded Pop 1/27/11 12:30 PM
Only Girl (In the World) 3:56 Rihanna Only Girl (In the World) - Single Pop 1/27/11 12:30 PM
Set Your Arms Down 5:05 Warpaint The Fool Alternative 7/24/11 11:45 AM
Undertow 5:53 Warpaint The Fool Alternative 7/24/11 11:45 AM
Baby 5:04 Warpaint The Fool Alternative 7/24/11 11:45 AM
Cheated Hearts 3:58 Yeah Yeah Yeahs Show Your Bones Rock 1/27/11 11:05 AM
Dudley 3:42 Yeah Yeah Yeahs Show Your Bones Rock 1/27/11 11:05 AM

suenos de mi vida ansiosa

2011-12-01T22:57:00.010-05:00

todas las noches, esa pesadilla: can't find class, locker, materials, late for class, just realize I missed a bunch of classes, have to drop the class, can't graduate. / tambien, suenos de estos apartamentos: one of them is associated with pink and the room i would rent has high walls and floral wallpaper. a Spanish lady lives there with two daughters. may have signed a lease with her for a room. it's on a street with apartments like little italy in the bronx. me and mk or lisa were supposed to move in there, can we still? once i saw the lady and her daughters in an office, and one of the girls was bothered by a man. another apartment is in a northampton like town. an older, unknown woman owns it. it's a large and mysterious frank loyd wright-type house. has my special room, thus far uninhabitable room on a platform over flowing or rushing water, but the floors of the room too shaky. i keep testing them and taking people there to show the room because it's cool. the house is divided between the tenants' side and the lady's side. sometimes the lady is on other side of a bureau, in the kitchen, or can we use the kitchen too? in basement, more rooms. sometimes phil lives there, or he's moving out. / suenos de los cuartos de vive en la universidad, el colegio. can't find my room, flights of stairs, don't have keys, searching, there's the shower and bathroom but where's my bedroom? rb is on the phone in her room down the hall, or she's at least in the buildling or on campus. sometimes dorm floor is collapsing or stairs are unfinsished or the ground sinks on the hill outside. lost on campus. in another, older (mid 1900's) college campus scene, it's winter. i see see the woods behind the old, new england or european type buildings. there's more. / getting into the basement to rummage through everyone's old stuff. / hotels. a white hotel with white everything. sleek, modern, white, and rich. elevators. i'm outside in front of the hotel, looks like a miami buildling, something about blood or the color red, and movie type people. / suenos sobre ir de compras: malls. big and small, fancy, tall malls and strip malls. always shopping for clothes and sometimes food. / el sueno final: cabin on a lake where my family is on vacation or lives. steady cabin type house, and paths outside where i go for walks. hay una playa del mar tambien, pero siempre esta un poco frio.

MY DIET

2011-12-01T21:54:00.000-05:00

What I ate today:

Smoothie made of grape juice, peeled pear, banana, green vibrance, cherry soda water, kefir
Triple decker penut butter and butter sandwich
Blueberry Fig Newtons (4)
Leftover teryaki chicken and rice
Bowl of cheerios
Amber ale
Leftover california rolls (4)

In case this diet makes you wonder, no I do not think I have more gas than the average person, but I do have a very strong evacuation system. It's way too much sugar, I'm sure. It's hard to eat things that are not essentially sugar.

PS. I love coffee, cream, sugar, and sweet liquors

Adele

2011-11-30T19:30:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning with "Someone like You," in my head, and decided to buy it off itunes, along with "Rollin' in the Deep." I listened to these songs on the train to work and started crying (don't laugh). Really. So, today's the first day I really paid attention to Adele. Now I've read all about her and seen her pictures too. I'm glad my girlfriend hates her because I feel jealous. I googled "Does anyone not like Adele" and nothing came up. The only bad things I can say are that the chord progressions are nothing special and the vocals are too loud. I put my ipod setting on "flat," which helped. Then the teardrops commenced. The following two lyrical, melodic lines are A+++ in my opinion:

"For me it's not over... Never mind, I'll find someone like you... I wish nothing but the best for you two... Don't forget me, I beg, I'll remember you said... Sometimes it lasts, the love, and sometimes it hurts instead" -- Someone like you

"The scars of your love remind me of us and keep me thinking that we almost had it all" - Rollin' in the Deep

I'm gonna learn these songs on the guitar and play a terrible version of them... don't worry, I'll post it.

I'm sorry I ws ever born to try this

2011-11-29T19:16:00.001-05:00

Worst than the First

Obsessed

2011-11-29T11:57:00.001-05:00

The more I think about it, the more I see all the ways I could do more and could work so much harder in my class. I could spend all day and night crafting a five star essay and A+++ project. The truth is I have to have a balance in my life. I need time for other things, including sleep, exercise, and being social. I don't have kids, but I need time for being a writer and musician. And trying to do all that is not wrong, it's good and healthy. So now, since I just spent 1.5 hours watching a video on technology in the classroom, I'm gonna put on makeup and dress up and make another guitar video.

Opportunities and Challenges

2011-11-29T09:00:00.009-05:00

One of the things I have feared about becoming a teacher is that a supervisor or other teacher (adult) will misunderstand me, judge me, or be jealous of me, and try to bring me down. I know that when that happens I must disregard that person's negative vibrations. I must consider the critical content as an opportunity to improve, but not take it to heart. It's hard though. I want to respect and trust my teachers and supervisors. But I know that these types of people aren't always trustworthy, because they're human beings, and while they try to state their opinions objectively and authoritatively, they are really just PERSONAL OPINIONS. I like to keep things very personal. It's clearer for me. Not to act out (and against) personal bias, but to be aware of it in myself and other people. It seems I've suddenly got the perfect chance to practice this.... I have a professor who doesn't like me or appreciate my work. She termed my project overview "acceptable" not "excellent". It sucks! This is the hardest thing for me, because I like to please people and impress them. I want to go see her and defend myself, etc. I've got to just forget about her, she may know a thing or two but she'll never be the kind of amazing teacher I'm gonna be. This is my thing. My journey, my path, my destiny. No professor, including this one who says my work seems "rushed," can change that. My work is condensed and rich, not rushed, thank you. It's hard though because I always have that part inside me that doesn't think I really AM good enough, so then it's like, damn, is she onto something? I thought I did good but maybe I don't know what's good... etc. But I actually do know what's good. It's more about how you interact with people, your students, than whether they meet all the criteria on your rubric. I know that, and that's the key. Teaching is really about if you like and accept people, and inspire them to try.

Back to Work, & some thoughts on xmas shopping

2011-11-28T09:09:00.002-05:00

This Monday morning I would like to post a reassuring message about the holidays, which are "upon us." It's true that it's all materialistic, hyper-consumption-- all this shopping. However, gift giving has been an act of love in most cultures since the beginning of time. Gift giving is a ritual that communicates your respect and wish to please someone, and that you value them. It is a common practice among leaders of nations, suitors, birthdays, and celebrations of all kinds. The best thing it seems we can do for this year is shop locally and support local artists. Yesterday I got a bunch of xmas presents at the Artists & Fleas space in Williamsburg. I also got a few things along Bedford. Cute things! Of course it's hard not to also shop for myself. The strange this about xmas is that it's masked by and combined with by Christianity. Jesus wasn't into materialism, so it's strange to celebrate his birth with presents. Although he did get "gold, frankencense (sp?), and myrh (sp?)." Another strange thing about gift giving for xmas is that most people really can't afford it. Like most people (I suspect), all my gifts are going on my credit card. I figure that living on credit is a uniquely American form of holiday spirit.

Christina's

2011-11-26T11:16:00.000-05:00

Insider: walls go lavender!

2011-11-26T11:10:00.000-05:00

when cats attack

2011-11-22T19:14:00.005-05:00

takes strong hands and the right grab behind the neck

calm hands, sometimes just hovering right over the cat

who's scared and mad

say to her, "no one's gonna hurt you Tatiana."

i'm so burned out tonight. i worked on a paper the whole rest of day while not at the vet

negs

raining... pink sky

yoga?

fixing teeths

2011-11-22T10:17:00.000-05:00

Today Tatiana is going to see Dr. Lehman about if she can have him fix her teeth. He can only do it if her kidney infection is gone. Hopefully she won't pee in the cage, so he can take a urine sample. I also called a dentist about fixing my own teeth. I haven't really been able to chew on the left side since I got a filling about six months ago... may need a root canal, I don't know. It's all going on a credit card.

Contractions

2011-11-20T12:34:00.005-05:00

Gerund phrasing as a building block in post-modern poetry

2011-11-17T20:09:00.003-05:00

Being apart of generations trying to define ourself trying to get our bearings trying to stick around trying to do something trying to separate

Trying to come back together

Thinking about Marie when I wash dishes how my hands will turn like hers if I keep working hard but I could never work like her, doing housework for a family of 7, teaching Sunday School, singing so sweetly

Growing farther yet closer

Looking at the lights in Midtown Manhattan, and the water

Feeling everything speed up, then hold still

Picturing us from above

Picturing us from a place where they make things, watching us buy them

Refusing to stop the spinning

Taking minor breaks

News Flash! No one cares if it's a sin

2011-11-17T11:40:00.004-05:00

Who needs a priest? I can confess to myself and the world from this little laptop in the Woodstock Tower facing Tudor City and the East River.

Some of the great sins I've committed so far:

Participating in Capitalism
Contributing to pollution
Developing insensitivity to homeless people
Not helping people Occupy Wall Street
In Middle School, apologizing to a boy for slapping him when he actually deserved it
Apologizing and enabling people and loving people who weren't treating me that good
Paying taxes
Smoking cigarettes

Not sure if it's a sin:

Leaving home and losing time with family members
Not keeping in touch with people I love (need to call Grandpa)
Not facing reality all the time

Hunter College Dept. of Education review

2011-11-16T18:55:00.011-05:00

This is not a full review. This is a short critique of the way Hunter (or NY state?? whoever) assigns credits per class. Check it:

To get health insurance, financial aid, and deferment on undergrad loans-- you must be a half-time student, which is defined as taking 6 credits..

This would be fine, if all the classes were 3 credits each. Two classes, half-time, sounds good.

Well, most English classes are 3 credits.

But guess what! Most Education classes are only 2 credits!

The program has roughly the same amount of classes required for English and Education.

Once or twice, I took two English at once, giving me a semester-long break on paying undergrad loan interest. All the other semesters, I took 1 Education + 1 English, which = 5 credits only!!! A match between one Eng. and one Edc. class = 5 credits. Two Edc. classes, obviously, only = 4 credits. You have to take 3 Edc. classes at a time, to maintain half-time status.

Education classes are at least as hard as other classes, if not HARDER because they require fieldwork.

The long and the short of it is, I've gotten through graduate school just paying for 5 credits at a time, mostly, out of pocket. I've continued just paying INTEREST on my undergrad loans, because that's the lowest they'll allow me to go.

Now it's time for student teaching, and guess what!? STUDENT TEACHING IS ONLY 5 CREDITS. That means, while you'll be working full time as a teacher (and doing prep work all other hours of the night), you're NOT considered even a half-time student, and cannot receive financial aid, etc., unless you take an additional class.

People shouldn't be taking additional classes during student teaching. This is not how I want to do it! I want a big, fat ass loan and no other obligations! But if I take out a personal loan through Citibank (the only option suggested by the financial aid department), it has the highest interest, of all the loans.

Does the DOE think that all graduate students live at home for free? They clearly want students to go full-time. But why hold people back who are trying to work their way through school?? I didn't WANT to take out more loans. I almost could've done it.

Fuckers.
Fuck you, people on top... department people... whatever jerks decided the 2 credit thing.

Oh-- yeah, they shut down the occupy NYC in Wall Street protesters in the park. They kicked them out. They arrested them and threw away all their stuff, like bikes, tents, and other rubbish. It's not a surprise, it was only a matter of time, but then again I'm feeling so faithless. I feel like the world is just run by selfishness and greed, and it always has been and always will be. I don't see that good ever really wins the day, in the long run. Getting old and dying, even in the best of circumstances, is digusting and enough to depress anyone who thinks about it. Then consider all the bad stuff. Human trafficking, tragedies, un-happy endings, people who give up, people doing the weaker, easier thing, nothing being rectified, money being wasted, mismanagement, wastes of time, pointlessness, repeats

Pasticceria

2011-11-13T16:50:00.002-05:00

Driving at night

2011-11-13T16:47:00.001-05:00

hipster idiot

2011-11-13T13:47:00.000-05:00

I've been playing with the color scheme and layout on this blog... and I'm not sure I like the light green border so I'll probably change it, but!! I think the combination of purple, darker pink, and light green would look great on my ears! I think I will get a light green little cross on my earlobe... one or both? Maybe different colors on each side :P

Assessment

2011-11-13T12:36:00.001-05:00

11/11/11 11:11 am/pm

2011-11-11T17:07:00.002-05:00

Today's date is cool! Tonight me and Ca are having a birthday dinner in our neighborhood. I invited a lot of people but only expect a few to come. In case you forgot, me and Ca have the same birthday. That was my first sign that we were supposed to be together. We met on okcupid.com. Did you read my blog then?

I feel kind of depressed, I think it's pms. I just feel tired.

I feel jealous of someone I went to Smith with because she's having musical success. I read about it in the Smith email and then I googled her. We're the same age, and both singers. She's doing a lot more than me! I shouldn't be jealous, I should just focus on my own work. Am I a jealous person because I'm a Scorpio?

I don't even know if I believe in astrology at all. After MK and an(other), older heartbreak(s), I stopped believing in God and everything else mystical or spiritual. 33 years old is a strange age to stop believing in God, but what are ya gonna do? I just don't anymore. Belief in God is just my ego wanting to be special. I've wanted to be so super spiritual, I've wanted mental telephathy, super powers, to see or hear dead people... I love all that stuff, but nothing ever happens to me. It's just boring old regular life. Nothing lasts, nothing is really significant. It's a journey, then poof... another wave of people take over, and think they're at the center of it all, and that their thoughts matter, and their art or music.

Critical Review of VOCALISTS and song-writers

2011-11-11T07:54:00.009-05:00

Qualities I appreciate in singers and song-writers, and my character goals:
Free yet in control (voice)

Plain (voice)

Authoritative (voice and lyrics)

Clever

Original

Inspired

Graceful

Rhythmically awesome

Best Vocalists of November:

Win Butler

Bob Dylan (always)

Doug Marsch

Caleb Folowil

Chan Marshall (always)
Courtney Love

Singers where I like the singing but not that into the songs:

Amy Winehouse

Like the songs but hate the vocals:

Romy Croft and Oliver Sim

Vocalists I can't stand on a more serious level:

James Murphy

Alec Ounsworth

Steven Wilkinson

Adam Horowitz

Granted, it's hard to separate a singer from the songs they write (with or without other people). But I can say for James, Alec, and Steven that I hate all their songs as well. There was one CYHSY song I liked, but I got so fucking sick of his annoying voice and the way he sings.

GREAT singers:

Beth Orton

Ray LaMontague
Joni Mitchell, it's too bad that I'm moving too fast for ballads right now

Singers my girlfriend hates:

Adele

Vocalists my girlfriend has bad taste in liking:

James Murphy

Here's a singer who's come a long way and is still working hard: Stephanie Faith Wiens, from Minneapolis, MN, come to Brooklyn in 2001 via Smith College. Unfortunately during the recording of the DEAD MUSE album, she had a cold and couldn't breathe through her nose. Nevertheless, this track shows off some vocal chops, I think, and some good lyrical/melodic ideas she had at that time. (And obviously, good ideas they had as a band).

dead muse

02 Gun Away.m4a by DEAD MUSE

Writing

2011-11-10T20:20:00.012-05:00

Qualities I like in writing, and how I want my writing to be:

Free yet in control

Surprising and fun

Honest

Funny

Brave

Authoritative

Clever

Original

Inspired

Rich or dense
Compact

Graceful

Cute

Cryptic

Teaching Philosophy

2011-11-10T14:09:00.003-05:00

I have to write up my teaching philosophy before the end of the semester. At first, I got really into it, and I was actually thinking about my real teaching philosophies. But after I got my draft back, I noticed that the professor was looking for one type of thing, and would never understand or respect me. Ironically, this professor explicitly teaches a "strength-based" approach. Yet she comes off as cold and critical. As I said a couple days ago, I hate the cold, critical teaching style. and I noticed it today. All the kids got their reading quizes back, and since they were bad scores, they started saying how they hate reading. That's just wrong.

There is a part of me that's very cold and critical. In my life I've struggled with turning this lens on myself or other adults, which isn't good. But for some reason I'm not inclined to turn it on kids. I feel like kids are exempt from it, or they should be. I feel that as we grow up we lose a lot of confidence and creativity because of criticism. Also, I remember swearing to myself in the 4th grade that I would be a certain kind of teacher and parent-- a kind I didn't see around me.

My first year in grad school, our adolescent psychology professor told us that teaching is about relationships, and moreover it's about your primary relationships (parents), and that if you want to be a good teacher you have to go to therapy. Everyone disagreed except me, and it's scary.

Why are so many teachers MAD at their students. I really like the teachers I observe at PS57, but they definitely seem a bit frustrated. They seem to CARE a lot, but what also comes across is disappointment with the students. When I'm there, since I am not accountable for their ultimate academic performance, I just talk to them about their writing ideas. I have no expectations. I just give encouragement and ask questions. I really enjoy it.

Why can't all teaching be like that? I'm gonna make it as much like that as possible. In relationships, your expectations are what can fuel unhappiness. You have to be open to who someone really is and what they really have to offer. You can't need them to do anything, (but don't pick friends with nothing to give). It's the same with students. The more you stress about what's expected of them, getting them to do specific things and have specific outcomes of learning, the more frustration results.

I know I will change as I get more experience, but if I start to dislike the students in general or think they're stupid and lazy, I hope to find yet another career. Too bad they can't seriously get rid of all the teachers who dislike their students, which would free up positions so nyc could end the hiring freeze. I'm not that worried about the hiring freeze because I know I will get a job. This is God's plan, son.

Borges y Yo

2011-11-08T21:00:00.000-05:00

processing... is a process

2011-11-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

When I was in the Teaching Fellows (before I dropped out) :/ they told us not to smile at the students :D.

During this, my next to last semester in grad school, I have a professor who rarely smiles at us. So far, every assignment I turned into this professor I was initially proud of and excited about-- then I receive her feedback and feel bad. I hate that. That's why I used to not even read feedback. I don't like a critical type of person as a teacher. I like creative, open, loving teachers. This professor knows all about being respectful of learning differences and being positive toward students (our future students, as students of teaching), but she seems to not think much of us. I'm a very sensitive, paranoid, and proud person, so it's difficult for me when I get vibes of dislike or indifference.

Currently, the popular philosophy for teaching English in nyc public schools (that they follow at Hunter) is based on Differentiated Reading Instruction. That means having students with less developed literacy skills demonstrate understanding of big ideas by reading less challenging materials and to respond in ways like drawing pictures, graphic representations, acting out a scene, group work, discussion, etc. I'm fine with this and even excited about it. What's weird is being in these graduate classes that implement the activities... so not feeling GROUP WORK. Group work is really hard. When I go to class, I don't expect to be forced to socialize, collaborate, and get up and move around. It's uncomfortable. I like it though! You DO learn a lot from being more actively engaged. It's just annoying to have this professor, who doesn't seem to like us, telling us to do these activities in that teacher voice... it feels like when my mom tries to get us to play games at Christmas. "Okay everybody, get into groups of three..." My family likes Taboo and other word games. At first I never want to play, but I end up having fun.

I expected to feel really good after tonight's class, because I turned in my Project Part I, wrote a decent blog on DRI for ELLs, and executed a lesson with my group. But knowing how the professor is going to pick it all apart (she already did to some extent) with a cold, straight face-- or getting the papers back covered with criticism... I really don't feel that great. Whatever I think is good, she won't get or it won't be good enough. Why can't she just say good job and give me one or two suggestions? I'm not saying criticism isn't helpful when it's constructive... but most teachers seem to enjoy it a little too much. I think it's inappropriate to be critical and cold to students. You know? A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down-- don't tear up someone's paper, project, or idea. FUCK RUBRICS.

Actually I feel like most teachers are assholes, overall, including my grandpa Hubert who was a professor of mathematics. Talking to him is not pleasant. No matter what he's gonna teach you what a dummy you are. I don't think I have that full-on teacher personality. I hate when someone talks too much or tries to dominate and control the conversation. I don't have urges to be that way toward kids, or toward anyone actually. I think I am more subtle with my points, and tend to ask questions rather than lecture or criticize. Occasionally, however, I do like to give an impassioned speech on recycling and/or human waste.

tres suenos

2011-11-07T18:36:00.003-05:00

1st dream: Sitting next to Electra, my cousin. She's using dope. She's injecting it into her high and I'm waiting to pop my upper arm. Then I think, what if she has HIV? I ask her if she's been tested for it and she says yes. I ask if it was recently and she nods and starts ignoring me. I think about how if she even had sex once since she was tested I would be at risk in sharing her needle.

2nd dream: I'm in a hair salon or barber shop. Someone else is getting a haircut. I'm hiding near the floor. I want to cut my own hair. I'm scheming on stealing the hair dresser's scissors. I know they're not that sharp though. Good thing I have my little knife-sharpening-block in my pocket. I'm creeping across the floor.

3rd dream: me and Ca are playing volleyball in the yard, just tapping and bouncing the ball up, back and forth, no net. We got a good volley going.

Made in USA

2011-11-06T19:04:00.002-05:00

Privacy Immediacy Jealousy Joy

2011-11-05T10:01:00.002-04:00

Lyrics I Loved

2011-11-04T17:17:00.001-04:00

They say it fits
If we let it
Love was made
To forget it
I carve your name
Across my eyelids
You stay the same
I ache for blindness
If you still want me
Please forget me
The crown of love
Has fallen from me

Poison Apple

2011-11-02T18:32:00.003-04:00

Should never be too sure about reality
What do you see, when you see a writer?
Does anyone know them better than a biographer?
(What about a photographer?)
What are all the kinds of intimacy?
Are you interested in me?
Is it wrong, this lifelong fantasy?
What makes people feel it?
What makes people need to show it?
What drives them home? Me
What car's driving all alone?
Will you always eat for free?
Poison apple from the queen
Don't be jealous, don't be jealous
Don't be jealous of me, love me

Music video #1 faith & mark

2011-11-02T08:04:00.001-04:00

Life Goes On by faith & mark from Mark Posillico on Vimeo.

Branches of Love

2011-11-01T11:54:00.002-04:00

Check it: snow on the ground while the leaves are still green. We had a wild storm on Halloween.

Tatiana showing off her natural eyeliners

Stella the Fella: prefers heights

L is for Lorimer Hell

2011-10-31T20:32:00.004-04:00

Can you believe this happened to me? This morning Ca dropped me off at Lorimer and I went down into the station and put on my big headphones. The first train that came was packed, and I didn't try to get on. I waited, and the platform filled up again. When the next train came, I knew I had to get on. The doors opened, and there was about room for about two small bodies to squeeze on... so... holding my backpack down in front of me, I fit myself into that spot, beyond the people standing in the doorway. I was listening to my dubstep music, rocking out in a private way, and I put my hand up to the ceiling so that I didn't try to cram my hand onto a pole that was already full of hands. I'm very polite and abide by all the train rules of etiquette. Suddenly, someone behind me, between me and the door (someone who pushed on after me), pulled my headphone off my left ear, and said, "You didn't need to push like that."

STOP. Whaaaat

I was really confused. I said, "But the people behind me were pushing."

She said, "No, me and her saw you," indicating someone standing next to her, behind me.

I said, for lack of anything better, "Whatever bitch," and turned back around.

She said, "It's just not necessary, pushing like that." !!???

I said, "Ok, well I'm late for work. Next time you need to get somewhere, keep talking."

She replied (of course), "We're all going to work. None of us are on here for fun."

I said, shaking with rage internally, "Whatever, shut the fuck up," and put my headphone back on my ear.

I was shaking all the way to Union Square where she got off the train. She was one of those tall, thin, brown haired goody-two-shoes type of White girls. Like she is such a friggen New Yorker, she wanted to enforce her superiority on me. She's probably from Michigan and lived here 3 years! Wow... is all I really have to say. How does she know I'm not crazy? :) You snatch the headphones off the wrong person, you end up with an elbow to your face, broken nose, who knows? I would've liked to see her try that on a Black girl or Spanish girl. She thought she could pick on me! And I'm the last person that she really should have confronted, with all the truly rude people commuting at 8:30 am. I always try to be considerate.

Lost

2011-10-31T18:55:00.000-04:00

Finish to the line and see who's still by your side
I know that the real me has been waiting for a long time
Guess what you have when you've run from everything?
All in a day's work, I choose the flood relief of crying
Red is my color, like roses in the garden of being
Out of earth, eternity is stretching my name through a sky

freshly dead... the heart will Not go on

2011-10-30T14:52:00.000-04:00

Not a Joke

2011-10-27T14:48:00.002-04:00

It's raining. Just got home. I'm hungry but can't eat for another half an hour. I'd like to use this time to point out that much success comes to crappy bands. Don't be all cocky or whatever just because your band is touring and whatnot because you may still suck really bad. Singer from Islands or whatever... you're boring and unoriginal. No one's going to remember you or your songs, as you suggested in that interview on NPR. You're just a light rock singer like every other straight guy with guitar from Brooklyn. It's already been done and done again. I do like Coldplay though. Anyways, no wonder you moved to the West Coast, where assholes go when they need a blank slate for whatever reason. The only great composer I know besides me, Stephanie Faith Wiens, and Mark Posillico, is Rocco Ferrer of The Magick Report aka Sau Ron. I'm the best singer in Brooklyn, and the best writer. The West Coast can sink.

Recipe

2011-10-25T09:27:00.000-04:00

This is a recipe for digestion, hope, vigor, overall health, and flavor

Smooth = Organic black cherry juice + Coconut water + Seltzer water + Kefir + banana + Green Vibrance +any other fruits or juices you may like...

Later on, almost every day, perhaps after dinner, take these pills:

Maybe the Ultimate Woman Daily Pack + smoothies will make me feel and be how I'm supposed to, naturally, like Adam & Eve or like a baby, physic-mental(emotional)ly... Oh! + YOGA

You were wrong... when you said... everything is gonna be alright

2011-10-23T21:08:00.003-04:00

I've had a change of heart about the people occupying Wall Street. I do support them, 100%. I think I'm in the wrong that I haven't gone to check it out. It should be a priority. This is my chance to help! But no. I have to help in other ways. I just don't feel like going down there. I'm too pessimistic and lazy with the state of the world. But what if America could become like the European countries people talk about... with awesome health care and 2 years pregnant leave from work and tons of days off... What if people really could come first, and everyone could basically be doing alright? Isn't that a dream to invest in?

@ Yacht, Brooklyn Bazaar

2011-10-20T22:35:00.001-04:00

Chachi

2011-10-20T22:28:00.003-04:00

A Few Kids I Saw Today

2011-10-20T19:45:00.000-04:00

Ahtziry
Rigo
Alicia (Alee-see-a)
Muhammad
Alan
Mafou (sp?)

I told Mafou not to browse the internet and I said no and he wouldn't stop I said fine I'll tell Mr. P. Then I distracted him for a minute with Q's about his essay
Alan ask if I like stars because of my tattoos and they all keep saying they like my tattoos, of course they notice things like that, it's nice to know I probably pass their style test
Alicia showed me her poetry
Rigo showed me his essay, which was improved from last week
Ahtziry, her face is sweet
Muhammad told me about KKK, Civil War, and Reconstruction details
Essay
What's your first name
They like my name
So glad I went with it

I am obviously in an infatuation stage with the kids. I see nothing but good. I'm sending out all smiles and positive vibes. They're funny, they're smart. I love helping them. Hopefully when this passes into a true love stage, I'll see strengths and weaknesses more clearly but the appreciation will be even deeper.

Reminders

2011-10-19T22:01:00.000-04:00

I worship you, Green Vibrance

2011-10-18T10:40:00.004-04:00

My doctor's note

2011-10-16T12:05:00.000-04:00

ugly picture i drew

2011-10-15T17:58:00.002-04:00

Too Sick to be Political

2011-10-15T17:42:00.000-04:00

I would probably be more into the Occupy Wall Street Revolution if I were at least 10 years younger and a more energetic/healthy person all around, and if I hadn't read those books by Solzeneitsyn and other Russians and a couple novels about the Communist Revolution in China... they showed me that my dad was right when he said don't follow Communism. No matter what the "people" are talking about or how hopeful it all starts out, it ends up with the artists and teachers + others in jail and dead, and robbed usually.

blast from the cold, cold past

2011-10-14T08:08:00.001-04:00

My blog-- October 2006 - June 2009

and WHAT Oh WHAT I'M GONNA DO ABOUT THIS? :/

2011-10-13T15:22:00.000-04:00

444

linea

There be no sunlight if I lose you baby

My Teaching Journal for Seminar

dummy

dear uncle h

nervous

faith & mark @ Hi-5 in Queenz

Natural Instincts

What's your personal level of health, on a scale 1-10?

Adolescent Heath & Safety (workshop notes)

recipe for disaster

Brilliant

la madrugada

Portrait of an Artist

shoelace bracelets, stripy skirt, legwarmers, faux leather jax, tights, makeup copyright Stephanie Faith Wiens

reason season lifetime

Nombres que te has ganado

bye i love you

No one feels sorry for you, Blue

new words

The Problem

My Love Goes Down DJ Cutman remix of Doctor P. HOMESTYLE DANCEOFF

WWIII

Savoy, Flushing Queens

how to stay calm during the rush hour commute in NYC (for sensitive people)

Biting it

Overview

PLASTIC

2012

We Found *shit* in a Hopeless Place

El Ano Nuevo 2012

Writing a new song it's called

dubstep music

Palabras de la madre y un abrazo

El Circulo Cerrado

I walk the Line

Chemistry

Morning sickness

A Person of Routine

breaks from homework taken to record and share this life

Life Force

bilingual education

tmj

Sure, you can borrow my notes

God's Plan for America

Sigh...

friends say don't have regrets

dreams undeferred

the dream of ex girlfriends worldwide

the dream of addicts worldwide

Good Dentist

Warming up my pipes for tonight's show at Club Sapony, in Queens, 11pm

suenos de mi vida ansiosa

MY DIET

Adele

I'm sorry I ws ever born to try this

Obsessed

Opportunities and Challenges

Back to Work, & some thoughts on xmas shopping

Christina's

Insider: walls go lavender!

when cats attack

fixing teeths

Contractions

Gerund phrasing as a building block in post-modern poetry

News Flash! No one cares if it's a sin

Hunter College Dept. of Education review

Pasticceria

Driving at night

hipster idiot

Assessment

11/11/11 11:11 am/pm

Critical Review of VOCALISTS and song-writers

Writing

Teaching Philosophy

Borges y Yo

processing... is a process

tres suenos

Made in USA

We Found shit in a Hopeless Place